Note Passing and Teacher Hating

Ok, so not for nothing, but my guys rarely ever get in trouble.  It really is very rare that my boys are punished/grounded.  They’re pretty well behaved for the most part, and when they do screw up, we deal with the situations in a more “diplomatic” way.

I have a male friend, who is childless at the moment, and is adamant that he will use corporal punishment when raising his children.   Says it’s necessary to teach them discipline.  I think it teaches fear and is simply put: illogical.  Besides, in the real world the law punishes you for crimes by imposing consequences, i.e. jail time, fines/fees, probation, etc.

Anyways, like I was saying, my boys rarely ever get in trouble, but the other day I got a text message from my younger sons teacher asking me if I could see her after school.  I answered “sure, is everything oK?”  She responded that she was furious because he was passing notes in class during science fair presentations.

So after school I went to meet with her.  He was in the classroom, of course, so he could hear her vent her frustration about his rudeness and callousness for not giving his peers all of his attention.  But to make matters worse, the note that he wrote to his friend revealed that he “hated” his teacher.  She made it a point to let him know that she didn’t care whether he liked her or not, and that wasn’t what bothered her, but rather that he did not demonstrate the same respect to his peers as they had for him when he presented.

He stood there quietly, and took the grueling lecture from both of us about making wrong choices, and her never expecting this from him, blah blah blah.

On the way home I grilled him some more about making wrong choices and he began to insist that it was just a note as if to say it wasn’t a big deal and it’s not like she even cared that he had written he hated her.

Well, it just so happens that I am a teacher myself.  Albeit, a college instructor, but the rules of educating are cross generational and cross gender.  You are either the teacher everyone loves because you let your students slack, or you’re the teacher everyone hates because you can’t handle the expectations that are being made for you.  ORRRRR, you’re the tough teacher who at the end of the day has a great relationship with their students and they appreciate you pushing them.  I fall under one of the latter two.  So I’m either loved, or I’m a bitch.

This of course enabled me to arm myself with some good teaching lessons.  I explained to my son that this it is not any teacher’s job to make sure that her students love her, it is her job to teach, mentor and guide students to success.  I also explained to him that from time to time students write really mean things about me on the internet (ratemyprofessor.com is a lovely tool or weapon), and for as much as I insist it doesn’t bother me, it really does…I’m human (and so is his teacher).

I then explained to him what a great teacher she is, and how although some people would like to make fun of her because she does so much and doesn’t seem to have a life (she is young, no children, not married) her life revolves around her students who are in turn like her children, and just like a mother, she looks out for them and wants to provide them with the best experiences, i.e awesome field trips, events, movies, hands on learning experiences, etc….all events that she has made possible for the entire 5^th grade.

These of course are things that he was unaware of, and honestly I would not be aware of all that this incredible teacher does it it weren’t for my close relationship with her (which I do with all their teachers).

There was one last thing I wanted to teach him, and by this time we were sitting in the driveway.

It just so happens that earlier that day I had been watching a news segment about several college students who did a sit-in at McCains office in protest of the immigration law in Arizona.  The college students were all illegal immigrants and knew that they would be arrested and sent for deportation.

I explained to my son that sometimes rules are meant to be broken, but only when it is for a greater cause.  I gave him the example of Rosa Parks who broke a rule/law when she refused to move from her seat.  Then I told him the story of these young college students and explained to him that they knew that what they were doing was wrong, and they understood the consequences, but they also knew that they needed to break the rule in order for something greater and bigger to happen.

As for consequences…well, I had him write his teacher a letter apologizing (I didn’t tell him what to apologize for to see what he really felt sorry about) and email it to her.  I then told him, he would impose his own sentence upon himself and so he “grounded” himself and revoked his own computer privileges for the rest of the weekend.

A few hours later, his teacher responded to his email, letting him know it was ok, she understood his desperation for school to finish already and felt the same way.   The cool thing is that she answered directly from her iPhone.  You gotta love technology and teachers who use it!!

At the end of the day I think it’s really important that as parents have our eyes and ear open because there is a teaching moment in everything.

On a side note: Someone has decided it’s about time to start capitalizing on the sentiments students have for their teachers..how wonderful is that?

Peace Out!!

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