Shake My Hand Like A Man

“Shake my hand like a man,” my husband tells all of my sons’ guy friends when they shake his hand and it’s not exactly up to par.  In other words, the handshake is too limp, too wimpy, too…..feminine-like.

If that is the case, my hubby then moves into a quick lesson in handshaking and from that point on expects each of those boys to shake his hand “like a man” the next time he sees them.

It seems that now a days teaching boys how to shake hands just doesn’t seem to be on many parents’ list of priorities (never mind simply saying hello to their friends’ parents).  Perhaps some parents just have more important things to teach their boys or perhaps some parents just don’t find the value in teaching their son how to do it “properly.”  And, yes, when I say “properly” I mean “manly.”

If a man shakes my hand with a dainty, limp grip I am, quiet frankly, utterly repulsed. However, aside from that, if I do find myself in the situation where I need to shake a mans hand, it is more than likely that we are in a business setting, and if the man that I must do “business” with cannot shake my hand “properly,” well simply put, that says a lot about the kind of “business” that is going to be conducted.

Face it, the way one shakes hands, says a lot about the person, and more specifically, about the man (seeing as I am blogging about raising boys).  And before all the feminists start throwing their bras at me, allow me to bring in some “scientific evidence” to support my reasoning here (and BTW, I never said that a woman shouldn’t know how to shake hands, but I’m not blogging about raising girls.)

In a study conducted by the University of Alabama, psychologist William Chaplin and his cohorts found that there is a strong correlation between handshake and personality.  They found that men with a strong, vigorous handshake that involved a more complete and longer grip, as well as eye contact, were extraverted, open to experience, and less neurotic than those who scored lower on the handshaking test.  BTW, in case you’re wondering, they did perform the test on females as well and found that those women who scored higher were more liberal, intellectual and open to new experiences.

Now, my personal assessment of a man with a strong and vigorous handshake is that he is confident and secure in himself.  Therefore, if I’m going to be doing business with him, then I can trust that the man knows what he’s doing and is talking about and is capable of taking care of business.  And at the end of the day, he could be the most insecure individual, but as long as he made me feel that he was confident, than I could trust in his capabilities.

The other side to this lesson, though, includes courtesy.  I notice more and more that parents are not emphasizing that their boys acknowledge the presence of adults.  In other words, teaching them the respect of a “hello” along with a handshake when addressing a male. For example, my boys’ guy friends show up at the house, I open the door, boy stands there, smiles feebly and tries to sneak around me to get to his friend (my son).  Mom is standing there saying hi to me, but never stops her son and forces him to acknowledge my presence. As the boys get older, moms don’t bother walking up to the door with him, so no one is there to teach the lesson of courtesy.  I open the door, boy says hi looking down at the floor, and squeezes his way past me.

In the Latino culture it is tradition to say hello to a woman with a kiss on the cheek.   This, however, seems to scare the crap out of a lot of boys. Is it my job then, at this point to teach the boy to say hello? I for one, find myself constantly reminding my boys to say “hello” and to say so appropriately.  It’s one of those lessons that, with time, I know will turn into a habit.  In the meantime though, I’ll be there reminding them, and I know that my friends will help me out.

As for the handshake, hey, it’s never too late to teach it…heck, there’s even videos on YouTube if you need a little help, but however it is that you decide to teach them, please do teach them.  And teach them to shake hands “like a man”….I mean confidently and assertively.   Cuz the truth is, fist bumping hasn’t taken over yet…even if the president is doing it.

Peace out!

P.S. Here’s a comprehensive list of the 9 styles of crappy handshakes courtesy of The Oatmeal.

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