Boys and shaving…in all the right places

One of the privileges of being a parent is having the opportunity to answer all kinds of questions…even the embarrassing ones.  Ok, so maybe it’s not that much of a privilege, but rather a duty that we must bear and grin our way through.  Fortunately for us, if we don’t know the answer to the question, all we have to do is call on our very good friend GOOGLE!  And lately, with the kinds of questions my teenage boys have been asking, I’ve been relying heavily on Google for assistance.  The truth is, I have no shame in admitting to my boys that I do not know all the answers to everything…no sense in setting them up for disappointment.  And they have pretty much come to understand that in our house, mommy is the brain when it comes to anything language arts like reading, writing, thesis statements, literature, reports, and things of that nature.  Daddy, on the other hand, is the brain of all history and science.

Math?  Their on their own when it comes to that one.

But not all questions are educational ones.  Some questions have to do with emotions and relationships, while others may have to do with the world and society in general, and yet others may have to do with sex.  And you might think that of all the questions they could ask about that I may have the most difficult time with are those dealing with the topic of sex.  But no, the ones that I have the most difficult time answering are those that have to do with male body parts and the maintenance or changes of said parts.

First of all, I am not a man, so the chances that I will provide them with an accurate answer is slim to none.

Secondly, I am not a man.

Thirdly, I AM NOT A MAN!

Nevertheless, my boys, out of habit, come to me and ask me their manly body part questions.  Perhaps they simply just enjoy torturing me.  Hmmmm, that’s not too far fetched. In any case, this particular day in question I was sitting on my front porch quietly enjoying my glass of wine for the evening wind-down when the door opened suddenly and out popped my sons head.  He looked at me and in a very serious, yet sincere tone of voice he asked,

“Mom, does dad shave his ass?”

Pause.

Let the question sink in.

Ok, now why the heck would he be asking ME? Why doesn’t he ask his DAD?

Breathe.  Breathe once more. Stay calm and think of the most appropriate way to answer this question.

“Babe, I think it’s best that you ask your father yourself.”  He seriously wants an answer to his question and he wants it now.  And of course, he has to ask this type of question when his dad isn’t around to answer it whereby placing me in the cross-hairs of his intrigue and leaving me extremely uncomfortable.

“But why?  You should know!”

“No babe, I don’t and why would I?”

“Cuz you see his naked ass all the time!”  Ok, time to ditch the calm.

“Yeah, but I don’t sit there and inspect his ass to see if he shaves it!! Ask hm yourself! Send him a text, I’m sure he’ll answer you!”

OMG! What is it with my boys asking me these types of questions?? Yeah yeah yeah, I can already hear you saying “you should be grateful that your children are so open with you..” I know I’ve heard it all before, and yes I am very grateful that my boys can communicate so openly with me and ask me questions and inform me of things that most children would not, let alone sons with their moms.  And yes I like having the opportunity to answer those questions instead of their jack ass friends who might provide them with misinformation. And yes, perhaps it does say a lot about my relationship with my boys and my parenting style.  Maybe I am doing something right.

But still….I can’t help but feel uncomfortable when they ask me particularly personal manly questions.

Now, there’s a bit of a preface I must add here.  At the time of this awkwardly embarrassing occasion, my husband was off training for his new job with the Army.  This of course is not a new occurrence.  Daddy being away somewhere because of the Army, has always been a part of the boys’ lives.  This, of course, could explain why my boys instinctively come to me with their rich and diverse variety of questions.  Like the time my son came up to me in the kitchen as I was preparing lunch and informed me that his “hairs downstairs” were growing to be quite long and getting caught in his zipper.  Nope, not a picture I was too fond of envisioning in my mind.  Needless to say, dad wasn’t around for that one either, although as soon as he got back, a lesson in “man grooming” was on the top of his to-do list.

On this night though, sitting there on the bench on my front porch, sipping my glass of Riesling and reflecting on my son’s question, I was once again suddenly interrupted.  This time though it was by my phone and the “tri-tone” noise it makes to alert me of a text message.   I looked at the screen.  It was a text message…from my husband.

“Why is Aaron asking me if I shave my ass?”

LMAO! The wonders of technology! You have to love it! Today, my sons can communicate with me or my husband far more easily than ever before and this I might add is particularly valuable to military families.  So now, even though daddy is away training, he can still share in dealing with those uncomfortable, and yet amusing life questions that his boys might have. In the meantime, I will continue to endure…I mean treasure, these very special moments I get to share with my boys.

Peace out!

-Natasha Olivera

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