Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats.
Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats. 
Last week I took off with my mom, my baby brother and my godmother on a road trip from Miami to Manchester, New Hampshire. Unfortunately the reason for our trip was to spend time with my aunt (who was like a second mother to me) in her final hours of life. My aunt, who had also suffered and survived polio at a young age, was diagnosed with ALS (a.k.a Lou Gehrigs disease) almost 10 months ago. Tragically, the disease progressed extremely rapidly and we found ourselves at her side in her final days. And while it was a difficult time for all of us, especially for her two sons, I was fortunate to have been there to hold her hand and to be there for my cousins, and can rest knowing that she is no longer suffering.
In the midst of all this pain I found myself back in my hometown that was overflowing with snow. I hadn’t seen snow in over ten years and so waking up the morning after I arrived to see snow falling to the ground with
Fresh Fallen Snow in Manchester
the sun shining was absolutely gorgeous…from inside the house of course. Immediately though, I thought of my eldest son who has been dreaming of snow for the last several years and begging for us to make a trip up north. He loves the cold and knows that he’ll be moving up North as soon as he can and has a road trip to Canada already planned out as soon as he can make the drive. So standing there amidst all that white fluff, got me feeling a bit guilty. And guilt can be an overwhelming emotion because suddenly I found myself texting my husband asking him to find out how much a one way ticket would cost to send my 14 year old. The thought came from a spontaneous impulse and I suppose that ultimately I figured my husband would tell me no, as he usually does with my spontaneous ideas. Understandably, I wasn’t thinking very straight, and the idea of having him there and seeing the snow just seemed almost like a romantic notion to me.
For whatever reason, my husband decided to indulge me. Next thing I know, my husband and my son are looking up ticket prices and texting me with the information they are discovering. I still didn’t really believe it was going to happen. Finally I called my husband and told him, “I’m not thinking very logically here, so I need you to be the one of sound mind. Do you think this is crazy?” “No, not at all,” he answered. So we did it. We booked a ticket for him to arrive two days later. Then it suddenly hit me, my 14 year old was about to take a flight by himself. And he had a layover in Atlanta! For two hours! What the heck were we thinking? I texted my husband again and told him maybe we should pay for a stewardess but he said, “He’ll be fine.”
The night before he left, my son’s Facebook status read:
Now, this is not the first time my son travels by plane, but nevertheless I was nervous as hell for him and made sure that he texted me as soon as he sat down on the plane, as soon as it landed, as soon as he found his gate in Atlanta, as soon as he boarded that plane…well, you get the picture. He on the other hand was very excited for his first solo flying adventure and possibilities that this would open up for him. And in thinking about it, in the last few months, he has had several adventures that have proven to me and my husband that he is maturing and demonstrating that he’s responsible and capable of figuring things out on his own.
In January a good friend of mine, who was also my youngest sons teacher several years ago, texted me asking me if I wanted two tickets to the Linkin Park concert. She had accidentally bought floor seat tickets but was too short and wouldn’t be able to see anything so she bought level up tickets. I stared at the text for a long time thinking how grateful I was that she was offering me these tickets, but I found myself struggling whether or not to take them. If my husband and I went then I would feel guilty that my boys, who are huge Linkin Park fans, would not get to see them, and if I went with my eldest son then I would feel guilty for my youngest son. Ideally they would go together. “Do I send them alone?” I asked myself. A 12 and a 14 year old to a Linkin Park concert. Hmmmmm, what would you do?
I texted my friend back and told her that if she was ok with it, I would send my boys with her and that my husband and I were comfortable with them sitting alone on the floor to see the concert. They had been to concerts before so it wasn’t like they had no idea what to expect. Of course my girlfriend had no problem with it so off they went. Of course, I was in constant contact with my sons and at one point my eldest sent me a picture of my youngest son standing in front of the stage with a sea of people behind him. “Where are the seats?” I texted him back. “LOL! There are none!”
Call me ignorant, or naive, but I was convinced that at this particular venue floor seating literally meant floor seats as in chairs. Immediately I started imagining mosh pits and my two boys getting separated and warned him to stay away from the mosh pits and to keep his brother next to him at all times. “I will mom.”
But there were no mosh pits, and they didn’t get separated but most importantly, they had A BLAST and almost touched Chester (the lead vocalist)!! This is an adventure and memory either of them will ever forget!
And just a few weeks ago my eldest was walking his friend to her friends house and realized that it was going to take them about an hour to get there so he decided they should take the city bus. Now, I have been living in Miami for the last 17 years off and on and have never been on a city bus here. To add, he had his bike with him and had to figure out how to mount it to the front of the bus…alone. While they only went two blocks, because he had no idea how far it would take them, the fact that he had the nerve and the confidence to even get on in the first place was impressive to me. And ultimately, all of these independent adventures have made my husband and I very proud of him.
In a time where parents are more paranoid than ever to even let their kids simply walk to the park, I think it’s important to take a step back and reevaluate the need to be “helicopter” parents hovering over our children’s every move. Allowing children the freedom to explore and learn on their own is one of the most important fundamentals to raising mature, responsible and independent young adults. So not only are my husband and I proud of our boys’ abilities to handle situations on their own, it also feels pretty damn good to know that we are doing something right for them. Ultimately, they are learning that they can do things for themselves rather than thinking they can’t…and what better lesson to teach than that?
Peace Out!
-Natasha Olivera
 |
 |
|
 |
My journey into motherhood began when I was 17 years old. Today, I am the mother of two teen boys, 15 and 13, and I am one of the only moms "blogging" about raising teen boys. On this blog, which I like to call a "blogory", I share my candid, poignant, sometimes humorous, but always real, short stories about my stumbles through parenthood as a young mother raising two teen boys while coping with living in a house full of testosterone. My parenting philosophy revolves around honest, no holds barred communication, where no topic is off limits, mixed with an enormous sense of humor. Peace Out! -Natasha Olivera
© 2010-2012 2010 Me, My Guys, & My Stumbles Through Parenthood All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright
Sorry to hear about your aunt.
But good for you, letting him take that flight by himself! I’m so glad to hear about people who let their kids take minor risks like that nowadays. It seems so rare. (And yes, I consider flying a minor risk. There is so much security, and it is so easy to navigate airports…)
Tell him Canada is awesome and waiting for him. Just don’t go to New Brunswick in the spring; your liable to find either no snow at all or snow over your head up here.
let’s hear it for flying the coop! — lenore “free-range” skenazy
Thank you Phil and I will definitely let my son know about your tips on traveling to Canada!!
I’m an overprotective mother… I admit it. Having my 14 year old (my eldest is 14 as well..) travel on his own, would require a monumental emotional, control release effort in my part. On the other hand, I get upset when he and his almost 11 year-old brother, in turn, expect me to do all every little thing for them.
This has been a very interesting blog for me to ponder on. Thank you!
Like everything else in parenting, I think it requires balance, but if we truly want our children to be prepared by the time they get out of high school then we have to prepare them by letting them learn because of us and not in spite of us.
Wow Natasha! It’s tough to face the reality that we raise our kids for the world, not to keep in a safe little bubble. Thank God I am not alone in my fears. I’m glad I have good Company! My boys are lucky to have me in their corner just as yours are lucky to have You!