Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats.
Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats. 
For the last seven months I have been hiding something from you, my readers, and while I of course have had legitimate reasons for keeping this from you, I feel the time has come to reveal the truth.
Seven months ago my husband of 16 years ago ended our marriage (I will not get into the details of why or how, as it is irrelevant at this point). Of course it was an extremely difficult time for me, but to add to the loss, we decided to keep quiet about it and not let the boys or family and friends know. For four months we continued living together, sleeping together and pretending to “be” together for the boys and many of our friends and family. When he received his Army orders with his assignment and duty station in another state, we knew that at that time we would be able to move on. The weekend before he left I helped him pack whatever he could take with him and the day of, we said goodby with a brief hug, he gave me a kiss on my shoulder and as he got in the car, without looking back, I closed the door and knew that that was the end. While those four months living together were emotionally torturous, I remained committed to continue working together as parents for our children. They have and always will be our number one priority.
Sometime in April I remember watching Eva Longoria speak about her divorce on the Piers Morgan Tonight Show and feeling so connected to her in that moment. As she sat there talking about her divorce I felt a tinge of envy in her ability to be able to speak about it openly while I had to remain silent almost as though I was festering away in this lie that was leaving me anxious and sleepless and on edge (I still wonder how I managed to teach that semester and give my students the 100% they deserved from me and that I required from them). I sympathized and understood when Eva briefly touched on the the loss of her identity as “Mrs. Parker” the wife and facing the question of “who am I”, a question that I myself have asked having identified myself as the wife of an infantry combat soldier/painter alongside my own identities as a teacher and writer. This was a poignant revelation coming from a professional career woman and philanthropist who is quite obviously very independent and self reliant. But the moment that touched me the most and at which point I acquired a new sense of admiration for this Latina who has transcended many boundaries and limitations is when she said, “I would never speak ill about him or the time we had together, I really, really valued it….He’s not a bad person, he just wanted something else and I don’t hate him for it.” She ended the conversation about her divorce with a piece of advice a friend had given her: “Hold on to the love, not the loss” and I was inspired, not only by her strength and her honesty, but with her drive to rediscover herself outside of someone else and continue with her work, her projects and her philanthropy.
Approximately 6 weeks ago I sat down with my boys and told them the truth about their father and I. They seemed indifferent about the news; it didn’t appear to surprise them, and yet they weren’t devastated. They said they understood that people grow out love and it’s better they go their separate ways instead of being miserable. If you follow my stories, this probably doesn’t surprise you. My guys are something else…far beyond their years mentally, but still I can’t forget that they are only young men. I dug a little deeper for more reaction to the situation and they admitted that it was sad, but as long as nothing changed between the way we as parents treated them and continued loving them, then the separation wouldn’t affect them, especially since their dad was already gone on orders and they were already prepared to be separated from him for a while.
Nevertheless, I offered therapy and although that was shot down right away by both of them with furious shakes of the head I did manage to get them in with my therapist for a half hour session in lieu of sitting in the lounge waiting for me. It actually went really well and they even admitted that they would be willing to go again.
In the meantime, I have been undergoing a period of transition into this new life as a single mother. I’ve always had tremendous admiration for many of my friends who are single moms and manage to juggle careers and social lives while remaining incredible mothers. And while being a single mom is not new to me, what with all the deployments my ex had when he was in the military and I was left alone for up to a year at a time raising our boys, this is different on many levels, primarily on the level that there exists finality as opposed to “I just have to hang in there for “X” amount of months.” And unlike some of my single mom friends, there is no shared custody or every other weekend visits; I am completely on my own, seven days a week, 24 hours a day.
So how will my stories change as a result of this? Honestly, I’m not sure. Obviously my parenting strategies and philosophy will not change and as long as the ex and I can remain civil with each other and co-parent effectively, always putting their needs before our own (which, due to first hand experience, we promised to do), and so perhaps the stories won’t change. On the other hand, some may begin to analyze the boys’ behavior as a consequence of the separation. I can’t predict the future, but at the end of the day, it is important to me that you, the reader, know and understand the context from which I am now writing these stories about raising teenage boys and it’s important to me because as a writer, I don’t like feeling as though I’m lying to you, the reader. Through this revelation, I am now liberated and free to write my stories from the true and real context of which I am living, uninhibited by a secret, as I continue my stumbles through parenthood.
Peace Out!
 |
 |
 |
 |
By PDGACO payday loans uk
My journey into motherhood began when I was 17 years old. Today, I am the mother of two teen boys, 15 and 13, and I am one of the only moms "blogging" about raising teen boys. On this blog, which I like to call a "blogory", I share my candid, poignant, sometimes humorous, but always real, short stories about my stumbles through parenthood as a young mother raising two teen boys while coping with living in a house full of testosterone. My parenting philosophy revolves around honest, no holds barred communication, where no topic is off limits, mixed with an enormous sense of humor. Peace Out! -Natasha Olivera
© 2010-2013 2010 Me, My Guys, & My Stumbles Through Parenthood All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright
i hope everything works out well, i love you <3
dear natasha,
all your challenges, the decisions you chose, the way you faced the tough parts and will continue to do so show your tremendous inner and outer strength. you must realize all of those resources and take comfort from them.
walk forward with optimism.
best,
ricki
Despite the unfortunate outcome of your marriage, I applaud you and the way your present yourself. In this day and age I have seen marriages form and fall apart quicker than a NASCAR around a track. And, like Eva, you spoke not one word against your husband, rather just the challenges you have and will be having adjusting to your new situation. I, would most likely not have had the ability to be the better person. It has always been hard for me to adjust to change, and I envy the way you are determined to keep moving forward with raising your sons. I also think that the way in which you confronted your sons on the divorce was a great way to stay connected, and I am glad they took it much better than most kids do these days. Since your ex husband is in the military it will be a little easier dealing with this separation since he is on duty most of the time. Keep your head up, you’re doing an amazing job as a teacher.
Dear Natasha,
All I have to say is that I really do admire you, as a student in your ENC class this semester I have to say you have done a great job, you have been able to balance everything out and still give us your all. I know it most be difficult for you to give your kids your all since they are your priority and also be there for your students, I remember the first day of class this semester when i first met you I was scared, I honestly thought, “I might have to drop this class”, but once I got to know you have to say you have been an amazing teacher, you have taught us the material, you’re very understand, and despite what you are going through you have been able to keep your personal life out of the classroom. Even though I love when you tell us your very funny and interesting stories about your kids and what not. I’m not a mother yet and I have many more years to go therefore I don’t think I could give you any good advices, but from what i see you’re doing a great job, it seems like you really are on top of your kids, when you mentioned you offered therapy/counseling I thought that was great, you really want the best for them and you are trying to make it easier on them. Your kids are very blessed to have a Mom that is there for them and loves them. You keep your head up high, I’m sure raising teenage boys is not an easy thing, the partying, girlfriends, friends, school etc..I’m sure your hard work will pay off.
“I’ts not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life ;it is how you handle what happens to you.”
Zig Ziglar
I wish you the best,
Adrianna N
Being a single parent is indeed very difficult especially if you became one at a very young age. It is great that there are inspiring stories such as this that can give inspiration to those who are currently in such situations. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Natasha,
as one of your students, i really respect that you never show any bad feeling and you never reflect any of your problems to your students in class. you are always funny and prepared to your class and i really anjoy it.
anywyas, i think that what you did that you waited for 4 months till you told your children that you got divorced was not 100% successful decision, because as you said that your children took this bad news easily and di not feel devasted of it as they are grown up boys and know that sometimes problems happen between a husband and wife and things may not go so well , so the perfect solution is to split, as well as to keep the same respect and good feelings they always feel to each other and not to change anything concerning raising their children both together without letting them feel any difference.
i do think that if you have told them as soon as the divorce happened, you wouldn’t have exposed your self to such bad feelings and sleepless nights, you could have just told them and they would have accpeted it as they aceepted it 4 months later.
thank you for being a great teacher and hopefully that your kids admire all the suffering and bad feelings you have been through in order to be a perfect mother for them .
Best wishes to you & your boys…I’ve been there, and its difficult…glad I stumbled upon your blog