Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats.
Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats. 
About a month ago, my 13-year-old son shared with me the story of a girl in his class who had taken a naked picture of herself and sent it to the boy she liked, who in turn forwarded it to all of his friends. Within less than a day, the photo had been circulated throughout the school and everyone had seen it. This is not a new story and for the most part there are one of two reactions to these types of situations. Some of you will immediately pounce on the boy for being callous and disrespectful and think he never should have shown the picture to anyone and should have simply deleted the picture and saved her from further embarrassment (because a young hormonal boy would have the level of consciousness needed to make this logical choice). Some of you on the other hand are thinking, he never asked for it and why would a 13 year old girl be so stupid as to take a picture of herself; she must not have any self worth and her parents must not pay enough attention to her (because it is so uncommon for a young girl to go to that point to make a boy like her right? Doesn’t this same concept apply to sex, and even teen pregnancy?).
I, on the other hand, am not surprised and don’t judge either party. This is a classic story that has been played out in movies and soap operas for generations and generations except it has a slightly different twist to it: technology.
A few weeks ago, after reading a quick article online, I attached a link to it on both of my sons’ Facebook walls with the following comment: “Sexting is now illegal in the state of Florida.” I figured if they didn’t want to heed my warnings about avoiding it (because seriously why would you listen to your mother when all she is trying to do is ruin your sexting fun?) then perhaps they would listen to the law. It’s very easy for people to point the finger at parents and say, “Those parents obviously didn’t instill morals and values into that child.” Cuz if you did, they wouldn’t do it right? Cuz if you did, they wouldn’t have sexual urges or fantasies or desires, right? I hate to break it to you people, but we are sexual beings, albeit some much more than others, but it doesn’t mean we have less values or morals than the next person.
The day I put cell phones in my boys’ hands, I spoke to them about how to “properly” use their phones. I’m also very aware of what the capabilities of these phones are (just as with the internet..and let me add that no there is no privacy in my home, my boys know that I have full access to phones, computers, emails, etc if and when I feel the need to look into them). I explained to my sons that they are not to send or forward lewd or sexually explicit pictures, and if a girl sends one to them they are to delete it immediately. I’ve discussed with them possible reasons a young girl might feel compelled to do it, I have told them that they should never ask a girl to do that, and I have cited cases where young teens have gone to jail for it. But at the end of the day, and I have said this before, I trust my kids, but I don’t trust my kids. I would like to believe that neither of my sons would forward nor show their friends a picture a young girl who may have sent it to them, but, frankly, I don’t know this for a fact.
Like sex between minors can lead to very negative consequences, sexting between minors can as well. (By the way, if you are not sure what sexting is, it is defined as: the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs via mobile phones.) Honestly though, this is not something new. What is new is the method of delivery; I remember receiving some sexually explicit handwritten notes from boys in high school, and we had sex codes for beepers as well. In any case, over the last few years there have been some cases where young men and women have been accused of possession and distribution of child pornography, sentenced to jail and furthermore are now labeled as sex offenders for sending or being in possession of sexually explicit messages sent between two consenting minors. If you didn’t already know that this could happen, well now you know, and the consequences of teens sexting have been quite extraordinary. Here are some examples:
In Pennsylvania, 6 teenagers were charged. Three girls for creating “child porn” (in other words the girls took pics of themselves), and three boys (who it was sent to) for possessing it. In Texas, an eighth-grader actually spent a night in prison after his coach found a nude picture on his cell phone which had been sent by another student (why was the coach on his phone??). In Wisconsin, a 17-year-old was charged with child pornography after posting naked pictures of his girlfriend, who is a year younger, on the internet. In Rochester, New York, a boy aged 16 faces seven years in jail for circulating an image of a girlfriend to friends.
A 15-year-old girl in Ohio and a 14-year-old girl in Michigan were charged with felonies for sending along nude images of themselves to classmates. Similar charges have been filed in cases in Alabama, Connecticut, Florida, New Jersey, and Utah. Some may remember back to the case in Florida a few years ago where a teen couple took pictures of themselves nude, and engaged in “unspecified sexual behavior.” The police got involved somehow when one of the kids sent the photo to the other. They were tried in the courts and convicted for both production and distribution of child pornography, and the teenager who had received the image also had the charge of possession. It was taken to an appeals court, and they lost. The convictions stood.
In reality, these convictions have occurred due to the fact that the law has not caught up to technology and as such teens 
are being tried under child pornography laws, the same as a pedophile would for possessing, taking and/or distributing photos/videos of minors without consent, because there do not exist any other laws. As a result, in an attempt to soften the laws against teen offenders, Florida has, as of June, officially made it illegal for minors to sext with the following consequences:
The first offense is a non-criminal violation punishable by eight hours of community service or a $60 fine. The second strike is a first-degree misdemeanor and on the third offense, sexting becomes a felony, carrying a maximum five-year prison sentence.
Different states have come up with their own laws in response to this seemingly innocent act between horny teenagers, in an attempt to address the issue as a separate legal issue from the more serious crime of child pornography. Albeit, some states establishing laws that make a little more sense than others; like any other law in the book.
At the end of the day, though, whether it’s illegal or not, and whether we like the idea or not, horny teens are going to continue passing dirty notes, having phone sex, or sexting each other as they explore and experience sexuality. Arguing whether the sender loses all rights to their privacy the second they hit send, or whether the receiver should have the moral capacity to know not to show someone’s dirty messages or naked pics to anyone or the Internet, does not solve much. Bottom line, if you make a law that infringes on your right to speech and expression, no matter what age you are, it is too much government for me. (Just like all these cities coming up with laws that ban people from wearing sagging pants. Are you serious??) I can however, concede that the victimization of individuals for having entrusted in another individual is very sad and heart breaking, in addition to the embarrassment and humiliation that the individual must go through that can be quite traumatic. I would never want my child to experience that humiliation or anyone else’s child for that matter. This alone is lesson enough for an individual to never do it again and serves as an example to those close to that individual.
That being said, though, I can not agree with the fact that sexting should be illegal as a form to “protect children from themselves” as Seth Grove, a Republican from York County put it, but rather, we should be looking at what is being done with the contents of those messages. For instance, it should be punishable by law when the contents are used maliciously or heinously, as could be the case with a scorned lover posting his ex-girlfriends naked picture on the internet with her name and number where it will remain permanently and could be of potential harm to her life, and her future career or social life.
In the meantime, instead of assuming my boys would NEVER BE CAPABLE of taking, possessing or forwarding sexually explicit messages, I will continue to explain to them the negative consequences sharing these types of messages could have on their lives and the lives of others (as parents with daughters should do), I will continue to encourage my boys to delete provocative pictures from girls that could get them in trouble, delete messages from their phones, tell them not encourage any female to send them sexually explicit pictures, not encourage their friends to forward sexually explicit pictures or messages, and most importantly, encourage them to keep their relationships with the young ladies around them, honorable and honest. But hey, that’s a lot easier said then done, right??!! In the meantime, I’ll keep stumbling my way through through this thing called parenthood.
Peace Out!!
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My journey into motherhood began when I was 17 years old. Today, I am the mother of two teen boys, 15 and 13, and I am one of the only moms "blogging" about raising teen boys. On this blog, which I like to call a "blogory", I share my candid, poignant, sometimes humorous, but always real, short stories about my stumbles through parenthood as a young mother raising two teen boys while coping with living in a house full of testosterone. My parenting philosophy revolves around honest, no holds barred communication, where no topic is off limits, mixed with an enormous sense of humor. Peace Out! -Natasha Olivera
© 2010-2013 2010 Me, My Guys, & My Stumbles Through Parenthood All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright
I agree with this article to an extent. I don’t believe that the parents instilling morals and ethics in their kids completely makes them responsible for their KIDS actions. As you said in class, they are still KIDS. Kids make mistakes, like trusting another KID with a naked picture or dirty messages. Kids trusting and being naive plays a major role in the actions that they make( along with puberty…So..many…hormones (-__-) )
Also, I don’t believe sexting as a WHOLE should be illegal. In my eyes there is nothing wrong with sexting, but there is something wrong with someone sending or sharing nude photos or explicit messages with someone else without the sender’s consent. THAT is what should be illegal. The embarrassment that one who’s business has been put on blast is enough; why should they have to pay a fine for being a victim ?
Honestly, I believe that the government is taking the wrong approach to this sexting thing. Actually, they shouldn’t take any approach: They didn’t make it illegal for students to pass dirty notes or VHS sex tapes( I’m trying to be funny, probably failing tho…Ehh) , so they should only punish those who take the sexting material and uses it for malicious purposes. Maybe my logic isn’t truly logic, but it just seems like common sense to me.
You are absolutely right. Who am I to judge who is at fault and/or was wrong, the boy for being just that, a boy or the girl for wanting him to like her? I myself would have judged the boy, and why? Because I am a girl and although I would never expose myself like through a photograph, feel for the humiliation the girl must face. But, in reality both are at equal fault and the situation should just be treated as a bad representation of teenage “love.”
It was smart to post that article on their Facebook walls, because honestly I myself wouldn’t have listened to my own mother about the topic. It’s much too awkward to have that kind of conversation with someone that close in my family. And, if you can’t get through to your children by nagging them, what better way than showing them the consequences that you as a parent can’t save them from?
I like that you recognized that you trust you kids, and yet you don’t trust them. It’s hard nowadays to really grasp the concept of honesty. Everyone assumes their children were raised well enough to know right from wrong but we all make mistakes and realize that we aren’t perfect. Who can say they never lied to their parents or disobeyed them knowing what they were doing was wrong? I admit I have lied to my parents before and probably will continue. Not because I don’t respect them, but more because I want to live my life, and despite your effort prove to them what they should and shouldn’t do, kids will be kids.
Oh boy, sexting. This seems to be a very touchy subject with many split roads as to who is to blame and whether or not the ‘sexters’ have morals or not. I personally believe that people take the easy way out by blaming the parents and judging their parenting ways. I am one to say that my mother instilled many great morals in me and always taught me the ‘proper and respectful’ way to living my life, especially when it comes to sexuality. But unfortunately, I can also say that I have made some mistakes in that department, along with millions of other people in this world. So who do I blame? Nope, not my mother or the mothers of the millions. There isn’t anyone or anything to blame but hornyness itself! Parents can say all they want to their kids but they will still do whatever they want and gain the experience. Kids can’t learn unless they make mistakes. I have never sexted and i dont think i ever will, but i also I don’t think that creating a law against texting is going to stop kids from doing it. Kids make mistakes and they always will! So what are we going to do? Make a law everytime a kid does something stupid? I agree with it too a certain extend but for the most part it is ridiculous. I don’t understand why the receivers of these messages would get in trouble for them. I only believe the law should come into place if the receiver is distributing the photos and making use of them in negative ways. Other than that, it is no ones business as to why people do the things they do with their sex lives. So, after reading this blog and thinking critically about it, i completely agree with you when you say that at the end of the day, people are still going to sext and use technology in sexual ways no matter what. We can’t stop the inevitable.
Definitely agree on the fact that this isn’t the parents’ fault in the sense that they lacked to teach their kids a sense of morality and values. My parents have taught me countless lessons on morality and ethics – the same ones they’ve taught my two older sisters. But seriously?! My sisters were ‘rebellious’ in their own ways as am I.But, for example: my parents taught my sisters and I a level of responsibility and discipline with school work, one of my sisters went away to FSU and was politely placed on academic probation due to partying and not attending classes… NOT my parent’s fault, but hers. Kids make mistakes that parents cannot take accountability for. And what a KID uses to express their hormones (in this case sexting), really shouldn’t be the governments concern in such a serious manner. Reading Seth Groves quote “protect children from themselves” really made me stop and read it all over again. You raise the point that we should be looking at what is being done with the contents of sexting, maliciously, which is a good point and makes sense as to the exboyfriend posting crude messages and pictures of his ex on facebook or further embarrassment to sending those sexts to his/her friends.
Judging and trying to find who’s to blame in the sexting game isn’t really the way to go about this – and I have the same opinion. Being a naïve 13-year-old girl at one point in my life, is it easier for me to just judge the boy for my (lack of a better word) recklessness in sending him promiscuous text or pictures? Absolutely not. I share the blame. But in most people’s eyes, it is easy to see that “oh since he is the boy, he must be asking the girl ‘send me a pic?’ or ‘what would you do with me;)’”? Type of thing… I am only saying that because it has been uttered countless times in conversations I’ve had with people about sexting.
But for real, both parties share the blame. By using advances in technological outlets, such as Facebook, and posting the article of the new laws and such on your sons’ walls was clever. Reminds me of something my mom would do and the truth is I’d probably be more aware of the consequences and actual take into perspective her concern.
All-in-all, really enjoyed reading this article along with many others ☺
Sexting is become a very popular thing now a days among both adults and children. I think certain things about sexting should be illegal, however not everything. I feel how you do when you say that it is easy to blame the parents of those children that are sexting due to their lack of discipline. I dont feel that this is the reason that kids sext though. I believe they sext because like you said there horny kids that are going through puberty. Its a good thing that you are showing your kids that sexting is not okay and that any form of sending or receiving inappropriate images is now illegal. You are also correct, in my point of view, that although you can instill these points in your kids over and over again, it does not mean that they are going to listen to you.
Boys and girls are culprits to sexting. I do think that the sender of the images should be at a higher offense then the kid who received the image. The kid who sends an image gives, in my opinion whether they know it or not, consent to the receiver to do whatever they would like with the image the get. Yes, it is very wrong for the person who gets an image to send it to others or show there friends. But hey, they don’t care that’s why they do it. All the cases that have turned up around many different locations should be a warning to kids that passing of these images do happen, so they should think twice before sending an image of themselves.
The final topic that I want to touch on, is that on the governments actions. They have recently made sexting illegal, but there are still many stages of it. First comes the wimpy community services hours of a whopping $60 ticket, then a misdemeanor, and finally up to 5 years in jail. I believe that the final 2 stages of these consequence are appropriate as 1 warning should be enough to not repeat something. However, I believe that the first consequence should be a bit more severe much more community service should be required, and you should not be able to pay your way out of your wrong actions. Lets face it, I don’t think sexting should be illegal, but it is, so because it is the laws on it should be followed regardless.
As I read this article I found myself agreeing with many of the statements you made in the blog. Sexting is indeed not new, but an issue that has evolved through different generations. I agree, all that has changed is the distribution method of these sexual picture and/or messages.
It is sad to say that many parents have no idea what sexting is or how to even use text messaging. This very truth is what brings adults and students to blame the parents for the actions of these kids. But like you said it is easy to point fingers, but in the end teenagers still have raging hormones that are uncontrollable at this stage of developement. You can implement good morals and values on your kids hoping that they are going to do the right thing when put in a tricky situation, but this is all you can do. When they are in school or anywhere else and recieve a provocative picture you are physically not there to tell them to delete it, but your voice is there. They know what the right thing to do is, but they might just do the opposite knowing it is wrong anyways. Kids do the opposite of what is right or what they have been taught all the time, but sometimes they just don’t get caught. For example, the isssue on sex before marriage. A wide range of parents teach their children that sex before marriage is wrong and so many teenager are doing it anyways without getting caught. Bottomline is that parents can teach their kids good values, but teenagers still have the choice to do what they want. So if parents are not to take the blame for all the sexting going on between minors then who should take the blame?
The kids involved in sexting, i believe are more to blame for this then the parents. Many may disagree or agree with me, but isn’t it true that when these teenagers are sexting they are aware of what they are doing? If so, wouldn’t it be logical to blame them for the widespread problem of minors distributing child pornography? A more controversial issue then comes whether to blame and charge the person who sends the picture initially or the person who distributes it. In a situation where the girl sends the picture and the boy distributes it many would blame the girl for sending the picture without thinking of the negative consequences. It is argued that they are giving up their privacy when they send these naked pictures of themselves, which is true, but the boy who recieves it should not distribute the picture if the girl is trusting them. So who do you think is more at fault for sexting?
No matter who is at fault for this it is apparent that this problem is growing, so the states are trying to make laws to stop the distribution of these provocative pictures and messages. Some states such as Florida are making this illegal and charging kids with a felony if caught in this action. Should this really be illegal. I myself can not decide whether sexting should really be illegal or not. A part of me agrees that sexting sould be illegal because as these teenagers grow older and become adults they may continue to distribute these sexual messages/pictures and this can become a huge problem once they hit adulthood. Another side of me says that this should be legal because no matter what lawst he government comes up, it is not going to completely stop this problem. Like the laws prohibiting possession of drugs, it will only stop these unwanted actions to a certain extent.
So, what is your stance?
Personally, i am against sexting and i am glad that, as of june, it is illegal for minors to sext. More over, i think that the consequences given are good. The first offence would be a fine of $60 or eight hours of community service, which in my opinion is fair because they are not being charged with a criminal offense. It is basically a warning. If after the warning they still do it again i think it is fair to be charged with a first-degree misdemeanor because they were warned and were aware of the consequences. I personally don’t think that just by the humiliation, they will learn from it and not do it again beacause there is no punishment by law being made. I’m sure their parents would punish them but it isn’t anything compared to being charged a misdemeanor or having a maximum five-year sentence.
I agree with your way of parenting. One day in the future when i have kids of my own i’m going to be aware of what my kids are capable of doing and do everything in my power to make sure they do the right thing. Like you, i will give them guidelines on the proper way of using their cell phone and explain on what the consequences are if they sext. For example, I am going to show them past cases on sexting where the minors were sentenced to prison or charged with a misdemeanor and Of course i’m going to trust them but at the same time not trust them just like you stated. From personal expirience, i know that when my parents enforsed me not to do something i got the urge to do it anyways. However, by talking to children (not yelling) and explaining them things with understanding, they are most likely not to rebel, just like i didn’t rebel most of the times because they calmly spoke to me.
It is true what you said that in the end of the day, either it’s illegal or not, teens are still going to sext. However, by having consequences and making it illegal. I thisnk that its influences some teens to do the right thing. Therefore, decreasing the cases reported in sexting. Also, we cannot forget that the way parents raise their kids and the way they talk to them impacts their decisions as well. So, if most parents are like you with the way you raise your kids, it may also decrease the cases reported in sexting, and anyother bad decisions in that matter.
I agree that kids will be kids. Sexting will still happen regardless of the laws or how well parents raise their children with morals and all that jazz. Sexting is just like sex and drugs. Teenagers will experiment and be rebellious. I can see why it was made a law because sexting can have major negative effects down the line, but it’s a form of self-expression and the government shouldn’t control that. I don’t think teenagers should text because they’re immature and don’t understand the serious repurcussions of texting. I’m against sexting, but if that’s what you want to do, go ahead. Do what you got to do. Now I do think people who purposely share/post/distribute naked pictures of another person without their consent should be punished. That doesn’t mean we should charge teenagers with child pornography because they’re minors as well. They’re not sex offenders, they’re horny teenagers who will find a way to find some form of nudity.
Firstly, I would like to say that you took the words right out of my mouth. I think it is too much in bringing the government to try and combat the problem. I don’t thinking fining a 15 year old $60 is the best way to deal with this behavior. However I also think society collectively needs to set proactive solutions and help teens understand the risks and consequences of sending their naked picture out in the open. It is only normal for a teenager or young adult to express themselves sexually and cell phone technology is just another way harvest this. Nevertheless, by making sexting illegal there’s still other ways teenagers can show of there goods, i.e. video chat; Skype. Admittedly, I’m laughing when I write this because all I can just say is that a web cam can turn into Girls Gone WIld. Anyways, I say do away with all these laws, and if it is a problem, go to the root of it instead wasting time, money and energy that could be used else where.
Primarily, I want to make a clear distinction between something which can be considered a “bad idea” and something which should be considered illegal. Jumping off a five story building is a bad idea. Pushing somone off a five story builing is illegal. They both might share negative consequenses, but they shoudn’t be treated in the same way in regards to the law. Likewise, while I personally believe that sexting is a bad idea, especially between minors, I emphatically resent the idea that it is breaking the law. Sexting is a personal choice, albeit a poor one, but a personal choice nonetheless. What right does the state government have to decide that teenagers can’t express themselves sexually though the use of their camera cell phones? I understand that minors are not emotionally mature enough to always make rational decisions, but steering said minors in the right direction is the job of parents, role models, good influences, and, when all else fails, life experience. Nothing teaches you to stay away from a hot stove half as well as accidentally touching one and burning your finger. What if Florida decides to pass a new law forcing minors not to touch hot stoves? Yes it’s harmful behavior, but what right does the state have to intrude on and influence the mistakes we make? Sexting shouldn’t be illegal…Plus it’s not like a law is simply really going to stop teens from sexting anyway. Drinking is illegal til 21 but that doesn’t stop many of us.
Second of all, the responsibility of sexting ed/prevention or whichever you prefer is a balance between the people who actually influence the teenager. Yes parents should teach their children about the dangers of sexting. Try to make them understand the real, harmful consequences of the behavior. If you set your boyfriend/girlfriend or a random person, your picture just might spread to other people. No, not all teens listen to what their parents say, but that doesn’t mean that parents should talk to their kids anyway. In the end, kids are gonna screw up and make mistakes – it’s just a part of growing up. That doesn’t mean that the parent should attempt to steer them in the right direction and it most definitely does not mean that the state should barge in a punish the teen for said mistake.
Lastly, as far as who is to blame if the situation gets out of control, here’s my two cents: if you decide to send someone a picture of yourself, you are giving up your right to privacy. It is a calculated decision with a substantial amount of risk, but it is your decision, regardless of whether or not everyone decides to play by the rules. Yes, forwarding a naked pic of someone is morally reprehensible, buuuuuttttttt it is simply human nature. Not everyone is nice. Not everyone treats people right. And no two people share the same moral standards. If someone forces you to take a picture and send it, that is one thing, but if you willing decide to take a pic then that is your decision and you need to live with it. If you leave a $100 out on the ground you want someone to do the courteous thing and return it, but you can’t expect them to, and in the end, if your money is stolen it is your fault. *****I don’t want my argument to be contriving to say that women who go out in slutty clothes deserve to be raped because that is not the type of concept I’m talking about. All I am saying is that if you make a mistake, or give up your right to privacy, which, in my opinion, is what you are doing when you send naked pictures of yourself, then you have to admit the possibility that your mistake might come back to bite you. In short, sexting is about a decision. You take the pic, you open yourself up to certain dangers. If you can’t handle the threat of their dangers then don’t take the pic to begin with.
Dear God. I have just realized I’ve lived in La-La-Land for the majority of my life. It’s so hard to wrap my mind around kids seeing unedited nude pictures of each other while I, a 20-something-year-old college student studying freaking biology, have yet to see a penis that is not distorted by some horrendous STD. LOL! Even though I’m only a few years older than your boys, it’s clear I grew up in a different world: cell phones had monochromatic displays, camera phones were a rare luxury, and picture messaging didn’t exist. But that’s beside the point: What’s really important here is what’s happening in the present.
I wasn’t aware that minors could be charged for child pornography. As you mentioned, the laws that are supposed to protect children are actually convicting them. It’s relieving to hear that states like Florida are modifying their laws to separate sexting from child pornography… but it makes me wonder what’s going on in the remaining states. Obviously, sexting is not a commendable choice; but irresponsible should not equal illegal. I can understand why people may disagree with my reasoning since sexting can cause permanent damage to both the recipients’ and producers’ reputations. However, the key point to understand here is that there is no innocent victim: the producers voluntarily took inappropriate pictures of themselves. This doesn’t absolve recipients for forwarding the pictures, but essentially the whole mess could have been prevented given a better use of logic. As you mentioned, it doesn’t make the participants immoral since we are instinctively sexual beings, but again, this is not commendable behavior. How it should be disciplined should depend more on parenting style than legal mandate. Parents cannot be held responsible for their children’s behavior, but they should strive to maintain a positive influence. This is why communication is so immensely important.
I read most of your other blogs and I think it is absolutely awesome that you have such sincere and open communication with your boys. As you already know, this isn’t La-La-Land; this is the gritty Real World. I’m sure they appreciate knowing they can count on you as a friend too. After all, they’re learning about the joys and difficulties of modern life from the most reliable source of all: their mother. If they ever get “bitch slapped by reality”, it won’t happen at 2am while reading a blog about sexting, and you’ll be there to get them back on their feet again. ☺
I absolutely love this! Okay, so people think sexting is wrong. So is it wrong that they may perform those same explicit actions in front of the person they are sexting? LOL. I love how open you are about all these discussions we have.
I think that $60 fine is ridiculous and wont be solving anything. We are, as you said, sexual beings. It is in our nature to want to be sexual; which is a completely normal thing. I might not send pictures of myself to my boyfriend, but sending a hot text every now and then, it keeps our relationship spicy and it keeps him on his toes. With boys, that’s exactly how it has to be: keeping them on their toes.
Its really great that you have such a good relationship with your boys, too! I think it’s awesome that you explain the dangers of sexting but that you’re not blinded by their “innocence” as many parents try to be, haha.
I do agree with you and with some of the comments, that our society needs to be proactive about informing and educating teens about the dangers of sending naked pictures to each other. ‘Cause frankly, they’re still going to do it, but if we try to explain to them very sincerely about the possibilities of the pics being spread around, maybe they will be a little more careful. It’s embarrassing for a girl for her nudes to be around everywhere.
I just think people need to be a little more aware. But I think sexting is fun ;O)
Great blog, Natasha!
Sexting. I personally like how you gave your opinion on sexting and it made it interesting to see an adults perspective. It was also nice to see how involved you are in your boys lives and how blessed they are to have a mom that cares, even though they might not see it that way. Many parents have no clue what is going on in their child’s social life or are not involved, yet freak out when they discover what their child is really doing. I also like how you said that you can instill in them what is the right thing to do, yet in the end it is their choice. It is within our human nature, to become curious when we are not allowed to do something and are attempted or ignore the fact that it is wrong, and do it anyways.
I believe that sexting is an uncontrollable issue and with time will just become a normality. Technology is advancing faster than we know it, causing this issue to become more popular. Back then was passing dirty notes, now its sending texts; just goes to show you that its always been around.
One thing that really hits me about all this are the victims that go through the embarrassment and how it effects them. Many dont realize how these girls/boys can be emotionally and psycholigically damaged. Not only does it affect them, but their reputations and if posted on the internet, it can even cause them problems when finding a job. I can only imagine how the person must feel, but then again, you can’t trust anyone these days.
I really like this blog cause its realistic and talks about what parents face on a day to day basis. I feel like if I was a parent, I would love to read this blog and read your thoughts and opinions. Last but not least, I like how honest you are and how use what you’ve been through in your life, to help others; cause then again, we’re all messed up in some sort of way.
I couldn’t agree more with you Natasha. I don’t think it’s correct for young teenagers to be engaging in this form of communication but I also don’t believe it should be punishable by law. Although it would be hard to monitor, I believe that the only behavior that should be punished is when the text messages are being used against someone in a harmful manner. (i.e, blackmail, spread on the internet with a bad connotation, spread through out a school) Yes, i believe that exchanging sexual messages or pictures shouldn’t be done at such a young age, but at the end of the day it is part of an individual’s privacy. I’m sure that there are plenty of adults that engage in these promiscuous forms of communication and if the government were to suddenly step in and, one-monitor the messages, or two- forbid them all together, there would be a giant uproar. Like everything in life, certain things come with a certain age, and I believe that if adults aren’t punished for participating in theses activities, then why should teens be? A proper form of reprimand is necessary but not to the extent of jail punishment. After all, how are they going to not participate in this behavior when there are advertisements for “phone sex” on popular viewed channels, billboards, and internet websites? Parents, like you Natasha, can educate their children to the best of their abilities, but at the end of the day they are teens. All we can hope for is that what they have been taught kicks in when they find themselves in the situation.
It’s great to read this coming from a sophisticated young adult, teacher, writer, and mother. Sexting is not wrong. If a person wants to take nude or revealing pictures of him or her self that is their choice. They just have no right to whine and complain when the pictures are put on the Internet or distributed out. Sexting should not be considered child pornography. Most of the time, sexting is used by couples in a semi intimate relationship where their is enough trust to allow the partner to see their bodies. But charging a teenager as an adult for child pornography could potentially ruin their lives, and their already being ruined in their social lives for making it so revealing in the public. So why double-penetrate the consequences? The pictures are harmless. Sexting is not used for malicious intent. Only real child pornography should be condemned not harmless sexual hormones being let out. Half the old-asses in the government that make these laws are just seeing a new era of sex through technology, so they’ll think it’s “wrong and completely unnatural” to send my girlfriend a picture of my sexy ass while talking dirty to each other because we want to have fun through our phones at different places. It’s just another way of getting aroused, having fun, and sharing something with someone else. So… I do what I want. But just like any fun game or partner activity, individuals should always choose a person they can trust and that will do the right thing. If you don’t, YOU BOTH LOSE!!
Not only was this a very interesting article, but it was very informative and well written! I really liked how you gave your point of view and made it clear and logical to understand why you think the way you do when it comes to minors and sexting.
I do agree with you in that parents can only talk to their kids and explain to them the consequences that texting may have, yet ultimately it is up to the kids themselves to make the correct choice when put on the spot and with all those crazy hormones they have at that young age.
Although you believe that government is acting too harsh on these kids, I would have to disagree. The government is not taking away the rights of these kids in order to “hurt” them or benefit from this, but actually to protect these children instead. For example, the state of Florida made sexting illegal for minors, therefore minors will now be more scared to send naked pictures of themselves, and in case that for example a girl sends a naked picture to a boy and they breakup, since it is illegal to sext the boy will now probably not make the girl’s pictures public so that he will not be held responsible for doing something illegal. So in the end, making sexting illegal may save children from ruining their social lives, careers, and humiliation.
I am a teenager and of course I have heard of classmates of mine and even friends who engage in the act of sexting with others but I never quite realized how common it is until I began reading this post and attempting to relate to it. Although I myself have never sent sexuality explicit photos, I do know people who do it on the regular and I know for a fact that a good majority of them will probably never discover that this is illegal. Up until now I had never heard of the laws put against sexting in Florida, or even heard about the child pornography charges put against teenagers themselves for sending and even RECEIVING them. It made me wonder if teenagers who received the photos and deleted them as soon as they were received would be charged as well.
Moreover, I do agree with your opinion in the way the government handles these “crimes.” Teenagers are just beginning to explore their natural sexual desires and to be charged with possession and contribution in child pornography is absurd when it is amongst teenagers in my opinion. If it was someone over the age of 18 and someone under the age of 18 sending photos to each other it is a bit more understanding. The best way to charge this crimes is exactly the way you put it: under malicious intents. The embarrassment and humiliation that these teenagers are put through when photos are distributed between more people than the sender originally intended is already unfair and to be further punished for this seems too extreme.
Your posts are top notch Natasha, and reading about your experiences with your sons and the insight you share really opens up the way I view certain topics.
In any other time, kids will always be kids. Now a days though, children aren’t what they used to be. Children sexting each other should be illegal. Just capturing one photo and sending it to another person can cause a lot of commotion and scandal in a school. Not to mention the embarrassment it will bring to the person who the picture is of.
On the other hand, the person who takes the photo of him or herself should also be held responsible. With all the social media and how easily one can obtain a photo, that person should have thought about the possible consequences. One of which being that the photo would get easily passed around.
Sexting…..(where to begin)……. !
I think the law has taken it too far in the punishment of sexting and possession/distribution of this so called “child pornography” between minors. The kids convicted are pretty much branded for the rest of their life as a perv. They will forever be on the child predator/sex offender list and school and jobs are able to see that with a simple background check. Our society needs to get up-to-date with technology and laws because this is just how horny young people are satisfying their sexual quenches. We cannot blame them for wanting to do what is nature. Sex is a natural thing, adults need to understand that and remember how they felt when they had these urges along with technologies advancement.I really applaud you on how you handle the situation with your boys, very open, which is the right way to handle it because then if you approached it in a more harsh-authoritative way, it probably would have not went through their heads. They would have wanted to act out and rebel.
For example, when I was younger, back in the MySpace days I had got in trouble because my parents saw my pictures online and they were not happy at all about what they found although the pictures were not revealing they still were a bit “sexual”. They made me delete the page but of course I always found a way around it to make a new one. If they would have handled it in a better way I probably would not have had pictures like that but I did and they continuously got mad for it.
At the end of the day, sex is a part of life and is displayed everywhere. Our laws need to become up to date with our technology so we can stop these harmless acts of sexuality from ruining the lives of these kids.
Wow! You will not believe how much this article just helped me.
My brother (age 16) just got his first girlfriend, and as any big sister would do, I’m trying to guide him through it. His girlfriend and him have been dating for about a month now and their getting into the sexual curiosity stage. There both teens, so its not a big surprise to me that they got into this stage so early in the relationship. However, lately I’ve been catching him FaceTiming her late at night almost every night (technology apparently moved up from texting now). I wouldn’t of thought anything bad about it until I found the door locked… How the heck am i supposed to guide him in the right direction in this situation!?
I didn’t know whether or not to tell him that I knew what was going on or even how to give him the right advice if I did tell him. Thanks to your sexting parent stumble, I gained knowledge as to how to deal with it. I’m definitely going to tell him that I know and share with him all the information about sexting that you have shared with me. Of course i will be open to any of his smart comments (he’s a pain in the butt when it comes to these things) but I will know how to begin the conversation and how to openly and adequately inform him about phone sex.
Sex will always be an important component in relationships… as long as the passion is equally shared and enclosed to ONLY the two lovers.
I also agree with you on the perspective aspect of the argument. I believe that the government went too far with the whole throwing kids in jail for “child pornography”. The laws should punish those who FORCE the sender to send them a nude picture or punish those who SHARE the nude picture they received with everyone around them (ruining the girls/guys reputation). However, with all of the hormones running around kids bodies these days, how does anyone not expect them to sext? In my point of view, it’s not that big of a deal (although it shouldn’t be done in the first place) for the government to go ahead and ruin the child’s life by listing them as a sex offender and a pervert. What if the kid wanted to become something great in his life, or just wanted to help support his family? All of that goes through the drain when the employee takes a look at his records. All in all, sexting should be illegal in order to prevent any major incidents from happening, but the punishment shouldn’t be so crucial that it ruins their lives even worse then having their picture shown around.
Reading this post the first thing i thought of was the recent suicide case of Amanda Todd. Something very similar happened to her, she sent a topless picture to a man over the internet and he basically stalked her threatening to show it to everyone if she didn’t do more explicit things. She ran from him from school to school, town to town but he sent them to everyone and no matter what school she went to they always figured out and she was teased. This lead to her suicide. I agree with this article, it is wrong to sext and i think its great that you talked about it and let your sons know it is illegal. As you said we don’t know who to blame, its an argument that I can fight for on either side, its 50/50. The girl could have a family that mistreats her and this is her way of lashing out ( I had a friend that did something similar in middle school). The boy could of deleted it but maybe he thought he was being “cool’ to show it to his peers. Their are so many things running threw your head when you are at that point in your life, so many things you don’t realize till later that you are making a bad decision.
I agree with a number of the issues of sexting discussed here. For one, I completely agree that the way the government is handling the situation is incredibly ineffective. It is by all means the most harsh and least productive way of managing the situation. I think the mortification and humiliation that a person involved in sexting gets when certain messages or pictures are leaked is punishment enough. For example, there was a girl in my class who sent a sexually explicit picture of herself to a classmate. Needless to say, he sent the picture to everyone in the school and the girl was mocked for the rest of the year. I felt bad for her, but I thought about how stupid the whole situation was. Teenagers should be educated by their parents about the dangers of sexting because I think that is ultimately the most effective way to handle the situation. Although it is most definitely not the parents fault because teens will be teens, I think that parents do have a certain amount of influence over their childrens actions.
I don’t believe the government should regulate sexting or even try to intervene, it infringes on our rights. Other than that fact, how could we even control sexting? I don’t agree with kids sexting, but I also don’t want to be a hyprocite because at a young age naked pictures of girls were flying around all of my friends, including my cell phone. Boys are going to be boys, and ask girls for these kindof photos. Do I think boys should be punished for possesing these photos? Absolutely not, nor do I believe the girl should face consequences. In my years of middle school, their were numerous occasions where my friends would be called to the office for sending out photos of this nature… It is going to happen, and we need to face it, and although you let kids what the consequences are, they are still going to do it. As my father would warn me on numerous occasions, but that would go through one ear and out the other.
I don’t agree on sexting at a young age, actually looking back at it you can’t believe that girl’s actually would send that out. But besides that fact that it happens already, and I believe it will continue to happen; the only thing we could do is warn instead of intervene and regulate.