Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats.
Trying to keep my sanity in a house full of manly ball-scratching, burping, farting, and raised toilet seats. 
What? You don’t get text messages from your teens telling you they love you? You know, just letting you know they’re thinking of you, they appreciate you, and everything you do for them just for the hell of it? Not because they want something from you, or because they got in trouble, but simply because they want to let you know they love you, even though they’re in school and aren’t supposed to be texting.
Like this message I got from my 13 year old son:
Sweet huh?? Totally made my day. Of course I had to show off how much my baby loves me so I took a screen shot picture of it and posted in on my Facebook. Ohhhh, shut up, you would’ve done the same thing!!
About an hour later I got a phone call. It was the counselor at my sons Middle School. Mrs. “Counselor” was calling to let me know that everything was alright with my son (this is the first thing they say to reassure you as your mind starts to predict the worst case scenario), but that she had to have a talk with him because someone had informed the administration that my son, my intelligent, generou
s, loving son, had been mooning students after school at the park. I painted a mental picture of my little man, his back to his on looking spectators, dropping his basketball shorts and exposing them with his white ass and a smirk on his face.
Mrs. “Counselor” continued to inform me that while they could not discipline him since he did not commit the offense on school grounds, she wanted him to understand the severity of his actions by giving him a warning and informing me of his inapropriate behavior.
“Ok, thank you for letting me know,” I told her. What else was I gonna say? Thank you for letting me know that my son is a little douche for mooning people? Or, Thank you for making me feel like a crappy parent? Because, after all, my sons actions are a reflection of my parenting, right? I mean, do the counselors really call us to “inform” us parents whenever our kids screw up to scare the kid into understanding the gravity of the situation (i.e. “I’m going to call your parents and let them know what you have done”). Or are they actually calling to let us know that we’re doing a crappy job at teaching them civil, appropriate & mature behavior?
Intellectually speaking, I know it’s the former, but I tell you what, as a parent it feels like the latter. Needless to say, although I did find it a bit humorous (but I would never tell him that), I wasn’t too content with the fact that my son was mooning his peers and….well, I was feeling duped by his text message. So, even though I shouldn’t be texting him while he’s in school, I texted him back:
FYI: There is a typo in my text and it should read: "Did YOU text me..." and for those of you who are not familiar with text acronyms "IK" means "I Know"
There’s something about shame and facing the disappointment in your parents’ face when you’ve done something wrong. I can remember this feeling all too well, and it was punishment enough. So, that was the look my son faced when I picked him up from school later that afternoon. I turned the radio off and asked him what was going on. Just two weeks previously he had gotten a detention for having run off to lunch before the teacher gave them the go ahead and so, in this moment, he confessed that he was feeling like he just kept messing up and letting me down. We spent the drive home talking about self control and “thinking before acting”, and as my tough little man, who never cries in front of anyone, fought back the tears and his lower lip trembled, I could hear in his reflections that he was also disappointed in himself.
And while many of you may argue that his behavior may merit a punishment or “grounding”, his own personal disappointment was punishment enough for me.
It is my belief, that throughout the different stages of our development we experiment and in turn experience. Every day is an opportunity to learn through the choices that we make, and sometimes those choices are not always the “right” ones, or the best ones. However, if we never screwed up then how would we learn anything?
But sometimes I feel like parents tend to forget what it was like being a teenager, learning about boundaries, and respect, emotions, relationships, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc, etc, and how many times we acted before thinking when making choices. Instead parents present themselves as though they were perfect teenagers who NEVER made a wrong choice or committed a questionable act, so how could their own child possibly make a wrong choice as well….I mean it’s ludicrous right? Yes, we expect our kids to be better and smarter than we were, but how can they learn that if we project a facade of perfection? How could they possibly be better and smarter than that?
Even as adults we make day-to-day decisions/choices, and sometimes they are not always the right ones to make. We understand that every decision/choice has a consequence and we are able to “think before we act”. However, even as adults, we still make incorrect, bad, or wrong choices (and I’m not even 
talking about illegal choices, but I’ll ask you to reflect anyways: how many times have you made the choice to drive faster than the speeding limit? Or run a red light? Or roll through a stop sign?) but don’t face severe “punishments” or consequences. Yet, time and time again I have observed parents grounding their kids, punishing them for having made a “wrong” choice, stripping them of their privileges and property and confining them to the jail of their room as though they had committed a felony and were now convicts.
The difference between teens and adults, in my humble opinion, is that as adults we have the ability to self-reflect (admittedly not all of us), where as teens, because they are so self absorbed and believe the world revolves around them, have a more difficult time self reflecting. So why, instead of punishing them for every little “mistake” they make, don’t we teach them how to self reflect on those errors by communicating with them?
Sounds easier said than done? I don’t think so. Many of you have applauded me over and over again about the communication that exists between me and my sons, but I can tell you that it doesn’t stop there. I have that with other children, including my sons friends, and even my own college students. Reason being, because I work (no, it doesn’t come natural) on forging a relationship built on trust and honesty that allows me the opportunity to communicate with them and then teach them how to self reflect.
But if grounding works for you, great, keep up the good work! Although I do have to say, from what I have witnessed, most parents do not have the ability to remain consistent with their groundings, and groundings tend to interfere with the lives of those who live in the house. In the end, most parents tend to give in or “forget” and all this teaches the child is that a “one month grounding” is really only going to last a week and in turn, they become extremely conscious of their parents inability to stick to a punishment and (as I have heard with my own ears) they go around talking shit about their parents for doing this.
Either way, I’m no parenting “expert” (whatever the hell that is); I’m just learning as I go along stumbling my way through parenthood.
Oh and if you’re wondering why he did it…it was a dare!!
Peace Out!
-Natasha Olivera
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By PDGACO payday loans
My journey into motherhood began when I was 17 years old. Today, I am the mother of two teen boys, 15 and 13, and I am one of the only moms "blogging" about raising teen boys. On this blog, which I like to call a "blogory", I share my candid, poignant, sometimes humorous, but always real, short stories about my stumbles through parenthood as a young mother raising two teen boys while coping with living in a house full of testosterone. My parenting philosophy revolves around honest, no holds barred communication, where no topic is off limits, mixed with an enormous sense of humor. Peace Out! -Natasha Olivera
© 2010-2013 2010 Me, My Guys, & My Stumbles Through Parenthood All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright
I agree with you and feel that connecting with your kids and working in improving understanding between the both of you is more effective than just coldly dishing out punishments and discipline. Although I have no kids I feel like I can agree with you because that sounds similar to the relationship I have with my parents. My parents and I see each other as human beings and because of that accept each others faults as opposed to just hating each other for the mistakes we make as parents and children. Every time I have gotten in trouble in school my parents always made a note that before punishing me they would have a talk with me and made sure I understood the gravity of my actions and that is important to to take accountability for my behavior. Like your son, I would always feel that the shame that came from betraying the trust of my parents was always worse that any punishment that they could give me because I love and respect them so much, due to the fact that they treated me with respect and openness and not like a pet or their subordinate. Also, my parents are very open about the mistakes they made in their youth and they do not hide them from us, as opposed to making them sound like hypocrites when they reprimand us, I feel like it mostly lets me know that they are humans like me and I do not have to hide anything from them because they trust me enough to confide in me and are concerned about me and my siblings not repeating their mistakes. I believe that proper communication is the most important aspect of discipline because it teaches us that it is important to be responsible not out of fear of punishment, but because there are important ethical and practical reasons behind behaving responsibly. This method also builds a strong and beautiful bond between kids and parents and in my belief leads to children who are more thoughtful and loving towards their parents and others. Lastly parents who are hard core disciplinarians often see there kids leaving for college and then behaving horribly and self destructively, it is important to build respect and not fear in your kids. The difference is once you lose the ability to punish your kids they will have nothing to fear, but a relationship built on respect much like the one I have with my parents will instal core values that will allow young people to strive without the direct supervision of their parents. The fact that I respect my parents and not fear them is the reason why I will never talk bad about them and also the reason why I will never behave in a way that they will disapprove of.
I can relate to the story because the text message is something like i would send my mom when i would get in trouble. For example one time i got suspended for pulling the fire alarm and right after i did it i sent my mom a message saying “you’re the best mom”. So i thought that was funny. But i agree with the way you handeled the situation because sometimes kids punish themselves enough by feeling bad or like they disspointed there parents. I have never really been grounded either because my parents and I are close and we talk about our problems, mistakes, and faults. I think its important to talk to your kids and be open with them about everything so that they know and feel comfortable with talking to their parents about anything and that leads to less trouble for the kids.
Quite a brave kid to fulfill that dare. The ending of your post pretty much responds to my response in your latest blog (on the porn). The whole… issue about how one treats their kids. Will they listen if you punish them? By instilling fear? I have a history of that, but that’s how I was raised. To fear your parents and obey. It’s not a wrong thing, but it diminished the ability to speak up when you should. Once again, your technique was simple and natural. How a mother should do it. Usually, it’s the father I don’t want to face after I mess up on something. It’s still funny how he mooned. It’s funnier that he escaped punishment by the school because it wasn’t on their grounds. “Dammit, that’s not our grounds. I’ll call the mother anyway!”
I wish you would write blogs in Spanish too so my mom could read and, hopefully, be inspired by them. But seriously, I applaud your parenting ways. It’s not only because you’re young in relation to your boys, but somehow you just “get” them. Aaron seems like a self-reliable kid, he knew he messed up and the fact that he was able to recognize it really showed the mature side of his character. The fact that you were able to recognize his recognition worked out perfectly in balancing both sides of the argument as well.
You’re also right about how dissapointment is probably a more effective punishment than a real punishment itself. Going to sleep at night knowing your mother is ashamed of you is MUCH more likely to skew your future decisions than going to bed angry that mom has your phone in her nightstand, and won’t give it back for another week.
Nobody is a parenting “expert”, but I will admit, you’re doing a pretty damn well of a job.
First of all I sencirely enjoyed reading this! Why? Although I am not a parent, I am a daughter who has made many mistakes and I have definitely learned from them. I strongly believe that my mom is an extraordinary mom she is not only my mother but my father also (This could be a problem). Even though my mom believes that punishment is the great way to go because that’s how kids will learn (she said), it actually doesn’t well in my case; what really works is the fact that I know that I did something wrong .
For me my head is the thing that punishes me, knowing that I did something terrible and degraded my name.
Can parents be friends with their children?
This is a question that I always ask myself? In my mother’s eyes there is no such thing as a parent being a friend to his or her child because what it will do is lower the parent’s authority. Well I’m not talking about a parent giving her 13 year old birth control, but someone who can be there when a child needs advice in making a decision. There should always be a balance parents must be parents and teach his or her child for what is good and bad, but they also have to be friends because I know that a parent would rather hear it from their own child rather than a stranger. Could this be a reason why children go behind their parent’s back and do crazy things? It could be a reason but it doesn’t mean that it is but it would be nice to be honest to your parent and be able to feel comfortable enough to go to your parent and ask for an advice before doing something crazy ( well obviously kids will still have secrets cause there is some stuff that are just to be kept secret but like they say everything eventually would be known and parents know almost everything when it comes to their children). So yeah it was a really cool blog and it’s super cool that your kids let you write about them. Like you say or write which I didn’t even knew until my first blog that you commented: Peace out!
Just to start, I love how you write your blogs. I find it so humorous and I just want to keep reading! I chose to write on this blog because I feel that every teen has done this at least once to their parent. Instead of talking about the text message I wanted to touch upon relationships with parents and being “grounded.” Luckily I have an amazing relationship with my mom. She is my rock. I know I can count on her for ANYTHING. Although I have never been in major trouble, I know I will never really be. Why? It is because we have great communication and a strong relationship that I know she will not judge me or belittle me on silly decisions. When you mentioned you are there to be open for your son’s friends, it reminded me of my mother as well because she does the same for my girlfriends as well as guy friends. I believe every parent should be open with their kids because in the long run it really does help them keep out of serious trouble!
XO
Michelle
I’d like to say I love your blog. A lot with the military aspects as it’s something I’m going through. And I love the way you talk about your kids and how you deal with them. You remind me a lot of my mom. I definitely agree that the way you approached it was the best way. I know growing up (and still growing up) that dealing with disappointment from my mom was always harsher than getting yelled at, slap from the chancleta and such. I would always say I’d rather have her mad then disappointed. You have a good boundry with your kids and I find it amazing how open they are with you. You should be able to trust your parents and they do! It’s so much easy to trust them then go behind their backs. Your boys are mature. And while its obvious they’re still kids (mooning your peers? Really? lol), they reflect on their mistakes which is more than I can say for most other kids.
After reading your post I am thrilled to discover more about you, not only as an instructor in class, but as a parent. As I continued to interpret the text, your humorous tone and personality that we all see in class began to actually jump out at me through your words and sentence structure. As a daughter I cannot say that I relate to the daring and mischievous acts that mostly boys commit and get reprimanded for, but there have been circumstances in which I was that child who was sent to her room for an extensive period due to making “wrong choices” and have the same opinion you shared with your audience. Having my phone, computer, and television taken from me did not have much of an impact after the third time and the reasoning for my punishment was not as serious as it was made out to be. The fact that I was seen as the “good kid” made every wrong decision sound like a felony.
The strong and communicational relationship you have with your son is inspiring and I only wish more parents could read your post and rejuvenate on their tactics as parents. Not only did your son willingly put himself out there as soon as you noticed his “I love you” text had more than one motive behind it, but he was able to open up to you and explain the troubles he has been going through. Most parents would ignore the confession, or even think of it as an excuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and your son is hysterical even though he did something that is frowned upon by society, haha.